i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
