I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
