We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You may now shotgun with the bride
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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