I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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