He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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