I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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