Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
