chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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