Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Randomize
