it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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