You're completely useless in the revolution.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
