Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
