Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
