Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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