I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
