Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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