I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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