So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
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Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
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You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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