I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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