i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Pants are for mortals
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
