Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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