i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
