Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
