She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He passed out mid-signature
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
