There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
