Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
