i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
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She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
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Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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