Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
