she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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