Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize