if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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