there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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