He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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