You can't motorboat a personality
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
