I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
