Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
