I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you inspire me to be a worse person
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
