is your mom at the bar?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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