I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Randomize
