Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
