I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
