Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
