I want to have your abortion
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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