Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
it's like heaven, but drunker
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
