i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
