Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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