are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
