How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Randomize
