sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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