You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
