U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
How does one acquire holy water?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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