This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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