I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
