Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
