I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
