Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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