I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
