My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
