Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
