Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
