we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
