I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
