I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize