I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
