The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
