I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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