Pants 0. Shit 1.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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