I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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