Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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