my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
