shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
