if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
