Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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