nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
