Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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