You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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