sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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