I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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