forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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