Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
