So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I think a kid would responsible me up
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
